The last couple of months I have been extremely busy with my job. Between the daily grind and the ensuing struggles ahead, my mind has been preoccupied with my own responsibilities. In the mean time, my boyfriend has been taking on more responsibilities as well and we are finding it hard to be able to just ‘hang out’ like we used to.
Over this past weekend we had a family lunch/get together. On the car ride over my boyfriend and I had one of those moments when we were on exactly the same page. I was thinking exactly what he was about to say. Then he opened his mouth, “I don’t want to lose our friendship.”
Even though I was thinking the same thing I was still taken back when I heard it come out of his mouth. I quickly agreed and let him know my similar thoughts. I apologized for letting my mind be so fully consumed by my ‘responsibilities’ and assured him that I wanted nothing more than to continue to grow this wonderful friendship we had started a couple of years ago.
My boyfriend is a very sensitive man, but only in the best kind of way. He immediately smiled and I could see him relax just a little. He accepted my apology. He just needed to hear that I too desired a closeness that only comes from a strong, mutual friendship.
The rest of the afternoon was refreshingly enjoyable. For those few hours that followed our conversation in the car, I made the concerted effort to only focus on our time together. I spent that time with my best friend, the only person I wanted to share my whole life with.
Time has a way of breaking down relationships.
Isn’t it amazing how so many relationships start off strong and with so much potential, only to end in brokenness? It seems that the natural progression of relationships is to decay with time. I am not saying this is always the case or that this is the way it should be, just an observation.
It seems that in the beginning we are immature and unaware of many of the struggles that lie ahead. Paying the bills, raising kids, going through unexpected hard times; our futures are littered with hardship at one point or another. But when we first make that bond with our significant other we are only aware of THEM and the beautiful gift of their heart. All we want to do is spend time with them, get to know them better. We are satisfied with the simplest of conversations if only to make one more connection with our new found love.
But over time we seem to lose this. Suddenly it is not enough to spend time together. We get so used to each other that our minds naturally take the other for granted.
It can never be like it used to be.
I think one reason so many fail to rekindle their friendships is because they try to go back to ‘the way it was’. But this is impossible. Your relationship has matured, you know each other better and you now have ‘issues’ that you didn’t have when you first met. This is why it’s so important that you adjust your expectations of what it means to be your boyfriend ‘best friend’.
I think for my boyfriend and I we just needed to know that we were on the same page. We needed to know that we were still best friends and that the growth of that friendship was still of the highest priority.
Over time we lose these core ideas of what’s truly important in our relationships and we just need to be re-centered from time to time. But the key is that this occurs while you are together and on the same page. It’s only with this mutual understanding that one can be assured of a bright future in their relationship.
Stop letting ‘life’ chip away at the things that matter.
It’s not just our relationships that fall prey to the terror of time, but it can be anything and everything that matters.
Here are some examples I can think of off the top of my head:
Our idea of a bright future.
How many of you started your adult life with a no compromise vision of your future, only to now find yourself living the average life you were determined to bypass? It is important that we constantly re-assess our situation and compare it to our original ideas. Do they match up? If not, why? Sometimes there are things that are out of our control that keep us from living the lives we desire, but all too often we have much more control than we take credit for.
We never think we could find ourselves overweight and/or in bad health, but many of us are in that exact situation. Over time we give into temptations more and more and become less physically active. If it all happened at once we might be shocked into making better choices, but it happens slowly and we get lulled into it. It’s very important that we are aware of our health from year to year. If you weight 10 pounds more today than you did 1 year ago, why?
If you get winded going up a flight of stairs when you used to run 5 miles a day just a few years ago, what’s now stopping you from exercising? Stay in touch with your body and the subtle adjustments over the long haul. If you don’t, you may find yourself slowly deteriorating without even knowing it.
Our ability to relax.
Isn’t it interesting how kids can go from a full blown tantrum to being sound asleep in minutes. This is because they don’t have the weight of the world on their shoulders.
But as adults we carry burdens that can weigh us down and cause intense stress. But, like our health, this doesn’t happen all at once. It takes years of pressure, struggles, disappointments, etc… to create the kind of burdens we carry around today. This makes it sometimes hard to sleep at all, let alone relax in a moments notice.
And yet it is very important that we are able to let things go and give our minds the rest it needs to recover from a long day. So find those things that help you relax and make sure that you incorporate them in your daily schedule. This is not only a good thing to do, but it is essential to a healthy lifestyle.
Who is your best friend and what impact do they have on your life?
Are you in a relationship? Do you enjoy the kind of friendship that I’ve talked about in this post? Has time chipped away at what it once was? The same question goes for other areas of your life.
These are all important questions to ask yourself on a regular basis. If we are to live the lives that are best for us and the ones we love we need to keep track of our progress. The changes of time can be a dangerous thing if left unchecked.